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DIPR (DEEPER) THOUGHTS
With an organic writing approach, I bring intuition, addressing workplace concerns & matters that affect me D.eeply
You're probably thinking, what could this phrase possibly be alluding to?
Well . . . I watched a streaming show on BET entitled: Zatima and there's a character named Zac. And this same character is on another show entitled Sistas, which I watched first. In the latter, the story line shows Zac's character being someone who has made tons of life mistakes, which ended up damaging his relationship, and causing him to lose his stable housing. He'd been to jail and could only work at the airport: He would drive people to their gates on the airport carts. However, one day, he met a woman in the airport who ended up giving him a stock tip, but he never pursued it, at the time. Later, he joined a program for previous offenders that helped them gain skills, give back and learn about real estate. As the story proceeds . . . Zac receives his first big paycheck from the program that he joined and without knowing anything about trading and stocks, he took a chance one day. Now, the plot thickens and what ends up happening is that Zac hits big on a stock and his life drastically changes. He's able to do all the things he's ever wanted: quit his job, meet a new love interest, pay people back, purchase material upgrades BUT . . . There's a scene when he talks to his therapist; I'll paraphrase. Zac talks about how the women he loves, always leave. Also, him and his therapist come to the realization that Zac has the mindset that anytime he's doing better and getting back on his feet . . . A horrible situation occurs and he always ends up where he started - back in lack or back in pain; the happiness never lasts. Now, I placed a few statements in BOLD and here's why: I'm drawing a clear parallel to both Zac's story and the statements in bold. Reflecting on my own life . . . throughout the years, I've met SO many people who I followed their lead and took a chance on and my life drastically changed, more than I thought was possible. And more recently, I reconnected with a woman who sent me a message, sharing her belief in me, as a previous student of mine; she initially showed empathy with my hardships that I've been facing. And since that message . . . she has drastically changed my life! However, just like Zac from the story above I too feel like the people I really love or loved, always leave. The woman who I'm referring to in my personal reflection has "left," but this time, not physically. This time the reconnection has shifted into misalignment and misunderstanding, a shocking lack of both empathy and transparency, lots of blame and judgement. In Zatima, Zac became very emotional. And in this particular scene, what he shared and how he was feeling was truly heartbreaking - he was back in pain. After taking another chance in life, I can truly empathize with this feeling. [the uncomfortable space] I ask you: Have you had these experiences? Have you ever felt like you took a chance in life, for your hope in new possibilities to now feel crushed and misaligned? What did you do? How did you handle it? What should we do? People say that the gut-wrenching losses that we experience are supposed to teach us something about ourselves . . . Do you ever feel like you're the one who's always "learning lessons" at the worst - possible - time? It sometimes feels like that "woman has left you" again. WTF do I do now? How am I to navigate through this? I thought I was on my "come up," but whether you or I believe, remember that Bible verse that's been ingrained in us, since we were young: "God will never put more on you, then you can bear?" Sadly, that's what I always thought. However, I've reached the uncomfortable space: That space that's in between being angry at someone but being thankful for what they've helped you with, thus far having to silence my voice by shutting up, but knowing that I will eventually shut down . . . only to keep the peace wanting to give up, but needing to let go and give in . . . by allowing someone to help me, even though I no longer want them around. . . . How have you handled your UNCOMFORTABLE SPACES? ~deeply
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April 2024
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