I believe I once wrote a little about this, in a previous entry. However, I wanted to write about this again.
"Comparison is the thief of joy!" ~ Theodore Roosevelt
"Comparison is the death of joy!" ~ Mark Twain
We've all heard these phrases before right? And many of us can not honestly say that seeing another person's life, hasn't lit a spark under our a**es!
I don't know. For me, sometimes I feel defeated because I'm not where they are or not where I'd like to be, at this point in my life . . . but sometimes, I get inspired to write or share my story with others . . . and sometimes, I even get TOO pumped! Yes, too pumped because I start updating everything: my profile on every social media page, my materials (resumes, bio, CV, etc), I try to ensure that there's ultimate cohesion on my websiteS . . . all so others can recognize my worth - so others can deem me as worthy - so others would want ME!
So, what is this entry about?
Is it really the silent killer or is it our ULTIMATE motivation?
I can admit. When I notice that others are doing better in their lives or reaching milestones that I wish I could. . . I don't CHANGE WHO I AM: honest, vulnerable, no BS type of black woman . . . speak up about the things that I see or believe a voice needs to be added to or advocate for an unheard voice . . . why? because deep down inside, all of my heartaches, fffd up friendships, estranged family dynamic, jobs and bosses who did NOT want me or see me or hear me . . .
THIS IS MY VOICE!
I do have a voice, whether it's in art, teaching or outside of it.
I bring value.
Yes, I challenge the status quo.
Yes, I don't always agree.
Yes, I do and approach things differently because I LEARNED LATE. I didn't follow the trajectory of common society; I became an artist and a dance educator first, because that's all I thought I was good at.
Moving on . . .
And yes, I share with vulnerability.
None of this takes away from my WORTH!
So again, Does comparison make or break us?
My answer is that it does BOTH!
Let's start with the latter . . . as artists or educators or just merely existing as who we are (ME - a black woman) - it appears to be that the more broken and misunderstood I am, the more I push! The more I find ways of making myself MORE visible, whether people go "oops! I forgot to unfollow her or here she go again! . . . I don't have the capacity" - It will NEVER stop me showcasing my TALENTSSSS! My talents, my skills, my 'itty bitty' achievements may not mean a lot to most (who may have several degrees or do the most upstanding non profit or volunteer work, raising a family, or any corporate work), but I MATTER . . . just like you.
Say that to yourself because I definitely have to see these words written or whisper them to myself, from time to time: I MATTER.
And NOTE: You'll never know someone else's full capability, unless you offer someone outside of your tribe/circle that conversation or respond back to their message or take time out of your day to engage with them, whether it be a video chat or cup of coffee.
In all, COMPARISON makes us better! Pushes us to become better and lights a fire in us . . . and that fire may even pull out some really dope ish! lol
For example, I shared an honest moment of comparison with a fellow artist named Ellaine Manuel and she shared with me: "That takes some real guts and vulnerability to share that, so thank you for sharing something so honest with me...You deserve so much more, truly." PS. Elaine and I have never gone for coffee nor taken each other's classes, nor created anything together, but we do respond to each other's messages - we just have this connection on a deeper level . . . and it truly means the world to me!
These are the types of people who we need in our lives, whenever Comparison rears its head. Together! We can really be honest about how we feel and that enhances our mental health right?
. . . this is my current headspace.
You know when things happen outside of your control and you just don't know what you should do. Even if you meditate, go on Tik Tok for laughs or even scroll IG, to follow what is happening in the world (because you don't own a TV). . . all of this doesn't take away the fact that "you're in a rock and hard place" and no one is coming to save you!
That's when you get "mad at the world" - for placing you in a situation that sitting in silence and being 1 with your thoughts - won't cure. The anger that you built up inside is that QUIET anger. The anger that people only notice if you "clawback" or have a bad day or do a crazy (not-so-you) post on IG, or you begin to do what you've always done . . . HIDE!
It's like you're waiting around for the next ball to drop! And as much as you'd rather hide (in order for someone to miss your presence) . . . you (I) crave for connection, for a way to be of value . . . BUT it constantly seems like there's this dark cloud looming above.
So what's the point of this article?
Well. . . we all know that every emotion is valid and anger is one of them. With that said, processing uncomfortable emotions is pertinent for progress!
For example, I use writing these articles or writing short blogs, in order to get my emotions out . . . whether good or bad. And I used to journal, but journaling no longer serves me in the same way. So, if I take the time to write these snippets or even process a review that I'm led to write . . . then, I start to feel EMPOWERED in some type of way - less isolated, less engulfed in my emotions, - it becomes less about doing something stupid, like being self-destructive.
It gives me PEACE . . . even for a moment in time. I can block out the world and see myself as something other than my critical thoughts: "a failure," "a F*** up!" I begin to see myself with all my complexities - a human being who's been dealt some shitty cards, but someone who continues to overcome these odds.
How? . . . you may ask
The answer is with MINIMAL PRODUCTIVITY.
Yes, I should leave my bed. Yes, I should get some fresh air. Yes, I should take a walk. Yes, I should shower. Yes, I should eat. BUT!
The moment that I start to get in this space . . . where nothing matters but my writing. I've actually made one once of progress.
found some SERENITY
And isn't that part of healing?